6 Observations About Kansas a Year and a Half Later

About a year and a half ago, I accepted a job at a newspaper in Kansas. I didn’t really know what to expect, and it certainly didn’t help that “What’s the Matter With Kansas?” is one of my favorite political books of all time. Upon arriving in the “Little Apple,” I wrote a post about my initial observations.

I thought it was about time to do an update. So here are my impressions of Kansas after living here for a year and a half.

6. Booze Laws Still Irritate and Confuse Me

"I'll get you beer baron!" "...No you woonnn't..."

As I mentioned previously, it was quite the shock to find out that hard liquor isn’t sold in grocery stores or gas stations, only liquor stores. It was also surprising to learn only 3.2% beer is sold in grocery stores. Also, liquor stores are only open until 11 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 7:30 p.m. on Sunday.

Living in Chicagoland for most of my life, I can confidently say there would be riots if they tried to pull that crap in Illinois.

It’s strange that there are all these restrictions in a state with a large population of ranchers, farmers, cowboys and good ole’ boys—guys that might like to buy a sixer Sunday night or grab a bottle of Jack at Wal-Mart—because some people in the state are still stuck in a prohibition-era mindset.

Also, Kansas liquor laws have managed to ruin one of the best things about being of age—HyVee’s liquor store. If you haven’t been, it’s like an amusement park, an amusement park full of alcohol.

It’s what Willy Wonka would have created if he had a drinking problem and wasn’t busy gallivanting in glass elevators with children and also enslaving an indigenous race of chocolate-loving dwarfs.

It’s inconvenient is what I’m saying.

United Airlines Flight #3448 You Crazy

The holidays sidetracked my work on the blog a bit, but now I’m finally getting around to writing what I meant to post three weeks ago.

This year, I actually had vacation time to burn when Christmas rolled around, so I took a trip home. Home was great, but my flight to and from Chicago was just weird and awesome. It would be a crime not to share.

The Surprising:

For once, I had no travel problems on my way to the airport.

When I visited my brother for the Fourth of July last year, my drive to the airport, which normally takes an hour and a half (two hours on a bad day), took more than three hours due to construction.

When I got to the economy parking lot at Kansas City International Airport, it took another 15 minutes for the shuttle to pick me up. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it turned out to be the difference between me missing and making my flight. I missed my check in by five minutes.

I had to wait another two hours just for a chance to fly standby and ended up being the second to last person to get a seat.

But this time there was hardly any traffic, and the shuttle showed up right after I parked my car. It was unprecedented.

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 35,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Cool Confusion

This week my paper did a feature story on people learning to ice skate at the local rink. I thought it was appropriate to write a column about the subject.

*Once again, kudos if you get the reference in the title.

As a native Chicagoan, it’s probably fair to say I’m more acclimated to winter, and everything that comes with it, than most people. That’s why I was shocked, offended even, to learn that many of my co-workers and neighbors have little to no interest in hockey and even worse, legitimate fears of ice skating.

Apparently, this is terrifying.

The sports staff at the Mercury has made its indifference to hockey known on several occasions, so I won’t bother with those poor, lost individuals. However, I was more surprised to find that ice skating brings about anxiety in several Mercury staff members.

During the weekly meeting, our editor Bill Felber suggested an ice-skating story to reporter Paul Harris. Harris was open to the idea but made it known that he and ice skating don’t mix. He noted that the ice is hard and when he inevitably falls, he must also worry about a hand being sliced by and errant skate.

It was a little dramatic.

News editor Javier Gonzalez and reporter Bryan Richardson, two Houstonians, also admitted wariness toward ice skating. Richardson bragged that, at the very least, he could avoid falling (so long as he goes no faster than a snail’s pace around the rink), while Gonzalez seemed to want nothing to do with frozen sheets of water.

I have no idea what he's doing, but I'm certain he got beat up afterward.

This was all strange to me having grown up in the suburbs of Chicago where high schools have hockey teams and every other town has an ice rink, including my high school and my home town. I learned to skate at a very early age, such an early age that I had to call my mother to get an approximation.

In Defense of Zooey D

If you’re on the Internet (you are), then you probably know who Zooey Deschanel is. The 31-year-old actress is currently starring in the Fox sitcom New Girl and recently starred in the indie dramedy (500) Days of Summer. She’s also one half of the musical duo She & Him.

However, if you spend a significant amount of time on the Internet (which you probably do because why else would you be reading my site), you’re probably also aware that people love to hate Deschanel.

And I don’t get it.

Now, this is not some sad Internet love letter to a celebrity crush. She’s not even at the top of that list; that spot goes to Alison Brie. This is an examination of a phenomenon that has no discernible cause.

People who know me know that I’m no stranger to snark and generally hating things. I just checked Billboard’s Hot 100, and I hate nine of the top 10 artists (Adele being the exception to my ire). There are also a number of TV shows and movies that you could not pay me to watch.

Hating on Deschanel should be right up my alley, but I don’t like those other things for a reason–because they’re all terrible. I just can’t see how Deschanel is worse than any other actress working today.

Novembeard Part 6

This was the result of a month sans shaving. My newspaper actually turned the staff competition into a feature page for last weekend’s edition. This picture was above the fold of the Arts & Leisure section where I was officially declared the winner.

I Like the Goo Goo Dolls, So What?

I’m going to confess something that seems embarrassing at first but, please citizens of the interwebz, let me plead my case before you make any kind of judgment (because the Internet is all about reason and rational judgments, right?).

I like the Goo Goo Dolls.

No, really, I’ll wait for you to stop laughing.

I know what you’re thinking: “But…but…why?” Actually, that’s a comparatively reasonable reaction. Recently, I told someone I like the Goo Goo Dolls, and she basically laughed in my face.

Novembeard Part 5

Like I never shaved!

 

The Twilight Zone

Last night I covered the premiere of Breaking Dawn with another co-worker. The angle was the first-person views of two dudes who have never cracked the spine of a Twilight book nor seen any of the movies.

Here’s a sneak preview of what’s running Sunday:

Friday morning, fans across the country flocked to their local cinemas to see the latest installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Two Mercury staff writers, Paul Harris and Burk Krohe, sacrificed their Thursday evenings and Friday mornings to document their first experiences with the franchise.

The reporters have neither read any of the books nor seen any of the movies in the vampire themed fantasy series. These are their impressions of Breaking Dawn as complete newcomers to the world of Twilight.

Paul Harris

Needless to say, I’m a little disappointed in my first Twilight experience. I was expecting to see a long line of Twi-fans with their Edward and Jacob t-shirts, or Bella t-shirts for the guys. I did see a couple of fans walk in with a blanket in preparation of standing outside for the fourth installment of the Twilight film series: Breaking Dawn: Part 1, though.

Novembeard Part 4

As you can see, my beard is almost back to its former glory after about two weeks. Also, little known fact: I am actually Wolverine.