Things I’d Say to my Teenage Self

*Author’s note: This post is inspired by one of Dan O’Brien’s posts.

On, Monday I turned 24, and I’ve been feeling a lot more grownup lately. I’ve also been thinking about what I would say to myself if I could go back a decade and talk to my 14-year-old self. These are those things:

“Hey 14-year-old Burk, how are you doing? I’m you, only ten years older. What? No, I don’t own a DeLorean in the future. I hardly see how…no…that was a movie. Just shut up for a minute and listen.”

Finances

(Yeah I’m biting DOB’s first subject; I had to after it rang so true.)

“Listen, at some point after college, you’re going to earn more than the $200 per paycheck you’re accustomed to receiving. However, it won’t be much more because, for some reason, you will decide to become a journalist. You’ll also be surprised by just how much money you have. However, again, you’ll be equally surprised about how quickly your paycheck is spent on things you previously took for granted such as Internet, electricity, food, etc…But on the plus side you’ll accumulate material things and non-material things (credit history) of value, so it’s not too bad.”

Like, Figuring it Out Man

“There’s an assumption that after you graduate college, and certainly by the age of 24, everything will be in order and you’ll have, to some extent, life figured out. Well, you don’t wake up one day and suddenly become an ‘adult.’ For a while it will seem like that, though. You’ll see others get married and have kids and get jobs, and it will seem like you’re behind, wearing a life dunce hat, but you won’t be. The truth is, it’s a process, and very few people have life figured out. Chill.”

Your Life Currently

Pictured: shenanigans.

(Yep ripping off DOB again.)

“That being said, currently, your life has nothing important going on in it. What?…Nah. Homecoming isn’t important, although you’ll get a good story out of it, and by good, I mean in retrospect your ineptness with the opposite sex will be hilarious. You should mostly worry about getting into shenanigans with friends.”

Music, oh god the Music

“So right now contemporary music isn’t awesome. Bands like Linkin Park, Staind and Crazy Town are charting, and I don’t really know how to tell you… man this is hard, but popular music, somehow, gets worse. It’s name is Gaga…yeah, I don’t know that might or might not be a character from a Japanese RPG. Good catch, I’ll check on that. Anyway, it can’t be killed, and your inevitable and unrestrained hate toward it will only make it stronger.”

Your Look

“Listen man, baggy pants have never looked good on a short, skinny guy. Especially cargo pants. Just… just…stop. Secondly, you wear a small not a medium. Deal with it. Lastly, figure out what you’re doing with your hair dude. Like, seriously, anything would be better than what you’re doing now.

Booze

“Stay away from tequila and vodka that costs less than $10 a bottle.”

Food

Lunch and dinner and second dinner of champions.

“I know you’re going to call me a lying liar who lies out of my lie-maker, but at some point you’ll start drinking Coke Zero instead of regular Coke, and you’ll also have to stop eating Wendy’s five to six times a week. But in the mean time, just keep punishing your gastrointestinal tract by slamming double stacks and quarter pounders.”

“Got it? Good. If you’ll excuse me, I have a 1.21 gigawatt electrical storm to catch.”

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6 thoughts on “Things I’d Say to my Teenage Self

  1. Elliott Cade says:

    I’d definitely agree with the booze.

  2. mooreclick says:

    +1 to shenanigans.

  3. Tori Nelson says:

    Ditto on the booze… oh, God! and the cargo pants!

  4. […] *Author's note: This post is inspired by one of Dan O'Brien's posts. On, Monday I turned 24, and I've been feeling a lot more grownup lately. I've also been thinking about what I would say to myself if I could go back a decade and talk to my 14-year-old self. These are those things: "Hey 14-year-old Burk, how are you doing? I'm you, only ten years older. What? No, I don't own a DeLorean in the future. I hardly see how…no…that was a movie. Jus … Read More […]

  5. Though as a rule of thumb, the kinds of booze that cost that much per half pint are quite tasty! But sadly, thanks, to rent, internet and electricity you won’t be able to afford the big bottle….

  6. emilyadamiani says:

    I love your blog! I can;t stop reading it!

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