The Twilight Zone

Last night I covered the premiere of Breaking Dawn with another co-worker. The angle was the first-person views of two dudes who have never cracked the spine of a Twilight book nor seen any of the movies.

Here’s a sneak preview of what’s running Sunday:

Friday morning, fans across the country flocked to their local cinemas to see the latest installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Two Mercury staff writers, Paul Harris and Burk Krohe, sacrificed their Thursday evenings and Friday mornings to document their first experiences with the franchise.

The reporters have neither read any of the books nor seen any of the movies in the vampire themed fantasy series. These are their impressions of Breaking Dawn as complete newcomers to the world of Twilight.

Paul Harris

Needless to say, I’m a little disappointed in my first Twilight experience. I was expecting to see a long line of Twi-fans with their Edward and Jacob t-shirts, or Bella t-shirts for the guys. I did see a couple of fans walk in with a blanket in preparation of standing outside for the fourth installment of the Twilight film series: Breaking Dawn: Part 1, though.

The movie theater did an admirable job of shuffling people in to the theater as quickly as possible. Thus eliminating a mad dash to each screen. But it also eliminated the midnight premiere experience. Many of the fans that I saw were on a girls’ night out. Those fans realized the cheesiness of the script and the plot and they were not dressed up in anything other than sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

Anyways, the film was every bit of a soapy teenage drama. The lines were awkward and over-the-top. For example, Taylor Lautner’s character Jacob tells Robert Pattinson’s character, Edward, that he hopes Bella dies because it will kill Edward.

Things like that are just so bad that I had no recourse but to laugh. I was one of a handful that found the entire move overly serious. For the most part, people were caught up in love story of Bella and Edward. Or maybe they were so used to the mediocre acting and poor plot that it did little to faze them.

Pictured: Acting!

Now, there was a lot more blood than I anticipated. In fact, the birth scene might have been one of the most disturbing film scenes I have ever seen. Honestly, I only witnessed about one-quarter of it. There was plenty of ripping and gushing sounds to complement the blood as well.

Basically mix blood, shirtless dudes and longing glances and you have “Breaking Dawn: Part 1,” but it was not the worst film I have watched. I would not pay to see it in a theater, but it might be worth your watch on a slow Sunday afternoon when it eventually hits cable TV.

All in all, my first Twilight experience was a bit underwhelming So Manhattan Twi-fans get out in full force next year. After watching the fourth one, there is no way I am going to watch the fifth one.

Burk Krohe

Like Harris, I was a bit disappointed as well. I was also expecting to see long lines of Twilight fans, perhaps even a brawl between “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob.” Maybe I’m old fashioned, but is a sign or homemade shirt too much to ask for?

That being said, the movie certainly was an experience. As Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is the fourth installment in the series, Harris and I were plunged right into the middle of the story. It’s like saying you want to learn to surf and immediately paddling out to the Banzai Pipeline.

Or wherever the hell you surf in Washington.

Friends told me to expect plenty of shrieking and screaming, but there wasn’t much in our theater. But an audible ripple did pass through the crowd when—all of one minute into the movie—Lautner popped off his shirt to change into a werewolf.

I’m still unclear on what happens to his pants, though.

Pictured: Acting!

The movie was entertaining to me, but probably not in the way the creators intended. Most audience members were absorbed in the wedding and honey moon scenes, which they had been waiting patiently to see on the big screen.

However, I was highly entertained by the exaggerated dialogue, unnecessary cuts and special effects. They made what were presumably serious scenes stilted and goofy. My favorite over-the-top line was when Jacob sees Kristen Stewart’s character Bella Swan pregnant and shouts “You did this!” at Edward.

Well, duh.

To be fair, the beginning of the movie, including the wedding scene, has some legitimately funny one liners. Billy Burke, who plays Charlie, Bella’s father, has the best of the bunch, and I’m always a fan of Anna Kendrick, who plays Jessica, Bella’s friend.

But the most unbelievable thing about “Breaking Dawn” isn’t werewolves or vampires. It’s the chemistry between the male and female leads. At best, it seems like Edward and Bella tolerate each other, but mostly it seems like they dislike each other.

I’m sure there’s more back story to their relationship, which is why I don’t get it.  That was just my first impression.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you go to this movie, you will be entertained. It might be for very different reasons, though.

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3 thoughts on “The Twilight Zone

  1. I have to say, I’m no Twihard, in fact the first 2 books were a little excruciating to read – but the 4th one (Breaking dawn) picks up gear in surprisingly good way (and aside from the underlying Mormon message of no pre-marital sex and anti-abortion I quite enjoyed it)

    But I’ll wait for part 2 before i see the movie.
    I’m disappointed to hear there were no werewolf/vamp fights in the queue

  2. dafarmer says:

    Since I’m a Mom now…I’ll just wait till it comes out on Netflix.

  3. ava says:

    Me, I am just a fan of the way Robert Pattinson looks. I would gladly have worn an Edward Cullen tee. Go Team Edward.

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