Category Archives: Link

Casting Video Game Adaptations

Video game films, generally, are terrible. Hollywood has been swinging and missing on them for decades. I think a lot of it comes down to not understanding both video games and movies. Of course they’re going to be terrible if the people making them have no context or comprehension of the source material.

Luckily, I rabidly consume both video games and films. So, Hollywood, I’m going to do you a favor. I’m going to cast a few adaptations that would kill at the box office if they were done right.

Castlevania 

Vampires and the supernatural are hot right now. But why not make them bad ass again? Castlevania is the perfect series to do so. The Belmont clan–generations of vampire hunters–facing off against Dracula could be a great horror-action film.

Obviously, the main characters would be Simon Belmont and Dracula. I see Viggo Mortensen as Simon. He’s getting older but he would be perfect. Lord of the Rings, A History of Violence and Eastern Promises already proved he can fill dramatic and action roles simultaneously.

Vampire killer.

Mads Mikkelson should play Dracula. He’s got the European thing going, and he played Le Chiffre in Casino Royale,  one of the most memorable villains in the last 10 years.

He just looks evil.

Clearly, Guillermo del Toro, a boundlessly creative director with a penchant for the supernatural, would helm the film.

Metroid

Metroid is one of Nintendo’s most atmospheric and creative franchises. It’s filled with alien worlds, great music and variety of unsettling enemies. It’s just begging to be adapted.

Plus, the series focuses on heroine Samus Aran, a galactic bounty hunter who spends her time terminating Space Pirates. Bounty hunter! Pirates! Space! What more could you want?

We’re halfway there already.

After her performance in Prometheus, and resemblance to the character, Charlize Theron is the obvious choice to play Samus.

The original game on NES was inspired by Alien, so it’s only fitting that Ridley Scott should direct. It’s exciting to think how he would interpret Samus’ power suit, the planet of Zebes, space pirates, metroids and Mother Brain. Continue reading

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Things My FavoriteTV Shows Make Me Want to Do

I don’t have an idea for a substantial post at the moment, so I went with this lazy post instead.

*I’m only including shows that are currently on the air, and I’m also excluding Futurama because I’ve done enough posts about it.

Sons of Anarchy

  • Get some tattoos
  • Learn to ride a motorcycle
  • Buy a leather jacket
  • Continue to stay away from guns

Burn Notice

  • Become a spy
  • Befriend Bruce Campbell
  • Develop an alter ego
  • Eat yogurt
  • Visit Miami (or at least someplace warmer than the Midwest)

Continue reading

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Back To The Future Is Messed Up

Back To The Future is unequivocally awesome. Virtually everyone likes it, and any person that doesn’t is probably a jerk. But  have you actually sat down and thought about the events depicted in the movie? You probably haven’t because you’re not a pop culture fiend with too much time on his hands like me.

If you do, though, you come to some disturbing realizations.

Great Scot!

Apparently, Cracked has been monitoring my brainwaves because they posted a video about the insanity of Back To The Future last Monday. There’s a good chance you’ve already seen it, but, if not, here’s the link: http://www.cracked.com/video_18203_why-back-to-future-secretly-horrifying.html

They bring up some points I’ve discussed with other dorks, but I have a few thoughts that they didn’t mention. I’ll discuss both starting with Cracked’s observations.

The Ending

Marty wakes up in a bizarro world where his parents and siblings are hip, successful yuppies. However, George and Lorraine both had substantial relationships with Marty in the past. His mom even tried to seduce him. Twice. But she and George get married and have kids. One of which is an exact clone of some kid they went to high school with.

Once Marty got to high school and started looking like the Marty they both knew, wouldn’t that set off any alarms? Especially after they gave him the same name? I know, I Know, he said his name was Calvin Klein. But, he told people to call him Marty. Seriously, that wouldn’t weird you out? Wouldn’t that challenge your whole perception of reality?

But on to another weird part of the ending…

Continue reading

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Signs I’m Starting To Become An Adult

You become a legal adult at the age of 18 in the United States, but you aren’t really. Generally, when you turn 18, you’re still in high school and living at home. After that, there’s college. Drinking all night, sleeping until 11 a.m. and playing Halo all day, every day, hardly constitutes an adult.

Now that I’m done with college, it’s starting to set in that the real world is knocking at my door (or kicking it in without a search warrant). Before, adulthood was something in the distant future. I was working toward a degree; there was a finish line in the distance that I couldn’t yet see. But before I knew it, the race was over.

Now, to the point of this post. Lately, I’ve started to notice signs that I’m entering adulthood. I’m not completely there yet, but the process has started.

Ties

The tie. Is there a more universal symbol of the man? A silk noose that chokes away all your hopes and dreams. Okay, maybe that’s a little melodramatic. But I am starting to see ties in my everyday life more often.

When I was younger I had few occasions for ties. Once in a while, there was a dance, a graduation or maybe the odd wedding, but that was about it. I didn’t have the need for a rack full of ties. But now there are more weddings (which I’ll get to later), more graduations, more job interviews, more award banquets and, sadly, more funerals. My collection of about four ties has expanded to 15 or 20.

Gone are the days when I could wear a pair of khakis and a polo to a job interview. Now it’s all business. I find myself buying a tie because it would work well with a certain dress shirt or because I have an interview coming up. Ties are almost a necessity.

Ties. The marker of adulthood.

Continue reading

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