Category Archives: Uncategorized

Goodbye to You

So it’s been a while.

Sorry to the handful of people who actually looked forward to updates from my blog. However, after more than five years (and four times on the front page of WordPress), this blog seems to have run its course.

It was probably around two and half years ago that my blogging really started to take a nosedive. I was working garbage hours (around 4-5 in the afternoon to midnight or later) as a copy editor in North Carolina. Gradually, I started to realize that I didn’t really like what I was doing, and I didn’t care much for the town I was living in.

Killer combination.

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Confessions of a Former Picky Eater

Guys, I have a dark, shameful confession: I used to be a picky eater.

I was the epitome of the spoiled American child.

I never wanted to try anything new. I detested vegetables unless they were in a taco or top of a burger (preferably from an artery clogging fast food chain!). New textures scared the shit out of me. I don’t think I had clear beverage until I was like 19. Had my family been the sort of people who went on vacation to Europe, I would have been the ugly American ordering a cheeseburger in culinary capitals of the world.

Cheese! You know, preferably on top of burger or drowning a basket of fries.

Now please understand something. I’m not trying to blame my parents or excuse my behavior, but there were some additional variables in play besides me being a brat.

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5 Things About Taking a Cruise

I haven’t been to a lot of other countries. That might surprise you, since I’m such a cosmopolitan and learned gentleman. But it’s true! Before last month the only foreign country I had ever been to was Canada. And, if we’re being honest (we are!), that doesn’t really count.

However, I was recently able to up my total of foreign countries visited to two! I mean, that’s not great, but there are people in America who have never been on a plane. So I guess it could be worse. Anyway, I took a cruise to the Bahamas (one of the most American ways possible to go about seeing another country), and these are my observations.

5. It Seems Like a Bargain…BUT

The initial reason a cruise seemed attractive was the price tag. I majored in journalism (good choice past Burk!), which means my bank account is less than robust. A cruise seemed like a good way to see a different part of the world for relatively cheap.

And it is! Kinda! See, the initial price per person isn’t that staggering at face value. I think when my girlfriend and I booked the trip it was between $250-$300 per person for an interior room–a room without a view, so to speak. Cruise lines conveniently forget to remind you that there are fees and taxes associated with that price, though. We actually ended up paying a little more than $400 per person.

What a bargain!

Still, that doesn’t seem too bad for a room and all of your meals. Be prepared to get absolutely gouged on everything else, though.

The booze is really where they get you. Alcohol is marked up to airport bar and stadium concession stand prices. I want to drink a cold beer on my vacation as much as the next guy, but I also don’t want to pay $5 for a Bud Light. The mark up on the medicine in the little shop was even worse. Also, the cruise line will tack on a fee for gratuity, which can run you about $100.

4. The Staff is Incredibly Diverse

Our cruise left from Charleston, so I guess I assumed the majority of the crew would be American. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There were a few Americans (mostly people running the activities throughout the day), but, just on the first day alone, we encountered people from South Africa, Australia, England, Bulgaria, Mexico and a number of Asian countries.

Also, our cruise director was named Jacques and had an accent I was never able to place. During the first announcement, I briefly thought he might have been Jean Claude Van Damme fallen on hard times. That proved to be false when I failed to notice any significant splits doing or throat punching throughout the week.

Our ethnically ambiguous director aside, it was amazing that a crew that diverse was able to communicate and keep things running smoothly with little to no issue.

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5 Things About Working at Night

I would be willing to bet most people reading this have a regular nine-to-five job. However, there’s a portion of the population that doesn’t. Those brave souls, like me, work at night.

When I left Kansas for North Carolina, it was to take a job as a copy editor. For those of you unfamiliar with the world of journalism, copy editors often start their days in the afternoon and work late until deadline. The deadline depends on the paper–particularly the circulation of said paper. But in general, deadlines are around midnight.

To paraphrase The Simpsons, you become isolated and weird.

5. Your Sense of Time is Thrown Way Off

When work straddles midnight (definitely less sexy than it sounds), it’s easy to forget what day it is. I’m not kidding when I say I’m only, like, 50 percent sure what day it is at any given time. Also, forget knowing the date off the top of your head. Thankfully, my watch tells me what it is, or else I would only be able to say, “I think it’s somewhere between the 15th and the 17th.”

Not only that, many people who work second our third shift don’t have a normal weekend. My weekend, for instance, is Tuesday and Wednesday. That means that my “Friday” is actually Monday, which also means I’m psyched when you’re pissed you have to go back to work. There’s more to it than that, though.

GET OUT!!!

Occasionally, I’ll go out to get something before work on Saturday and become overwhelmed by how many people there are on the roads and at the grocery store. I find myself thinking “What the hell are all you people doing here!? Don’t you know I’m trying to shop!?” It only occurs to me later that it’s everyone else’s day off.

Speaking of shopping…

4. Shopping and Errands are Completely Different

Assuming you don’t make the mistake of going to a grocery store at 1 p.m. on Saturday like me, shopping, for the most part, is awesome.

Getting groceries during the middle of a weekday or late at night is so much less infuriating. There are always parking spaces, there are fewer people and there are shorter checkout lines.

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Granted, if you go during the middle of the day, you’ll have to shop with the retired crowd–But it’s a small price to pay. If you go late at night, you’ll have to deal with certain percentage of degenerates. You know, the sort of people who bring a toddler to Wal-Mart at 1 a.m. I’m not a parent, but probably don’t have a baby at Wal-Mart at 1 in the morning?

I also don’t have to sacrifice my lunch break to go to the bank, DMV or post office, which is pretty great.

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The Daily Planet

So a while ago I made a faux Daily Planet for my own amusement…

I thought you guys would enjoy!

Metropolis Daily Planet copy

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